Sadness is mourning

Accept that sadness is always mourning, for parts of your life that have passed away or that are passing away. Even in a case where your parents or loved ones die, even in a case where your child dies. You are not missing them, for missing creates a longing, a seeking. They are mourning, not the person but that part of their life that has changed, looking ahead to their life without this person.

Sadness is a mourning for your life that has changed. When it changes, all that you knew must change, and much is lost.

When you lose a loved one, you will not see them again in this lifetime, there is nothing you can do about it. And so the sadness can only grow year after year, slowly eating away at your emotions and your ability to live and enjoy what life can bring you. But the moment you recognise it not as a longing, but as a mourning for that which your life has lost, then a tiny part of you can recognise that what you are mourning is change. The life you had is gone, the dreams you had with this person are gone, and change is painful.

Change also always gives us the opportunity to grow and explore new things, to become more than we ever were. If you can recognise you're mourning because your life has changed, it still may take you years, but eventually you will get to a place where that change is something you have embraced, that change can make you love more deeply and feel more passionately, to express the things you feel to the people in your life, it opens you up for potential for the new that otherwise you would not have experienced. It can come with frustration and pain, but it leaves the potential for beauty and wonder, while mourning a loss only leaves the potential for greater emptiness.

This is why it matters that you understand all sadness is mourning the loss of our own dreams, our own ideas, the world we had planned or our attitudes about that world. And that loss is a step in the process of change that can eventually bring you unbelievable, astonishing beauty and some day joy.

Angel, 2015-04-24

Changing emotional ages

People are not always the same emotional age - they go backwards and forwards in time all the time, and they don't realise they're doing it. Say, they hit an emotional situation. They're with someone who reminds them of a parent, and they react badly - they will instinctively go back to that time in their past where they first imprinted badly and try to relive it. If they were smart, they'd do a little re-parenting of themselves, but instead they just get caught in it and bounce around childish for a while until they come back.

This is natural, it is healthy behaviour to bounce around between ages. It's an auto-correcting system. So when you suddenly feel the need to be emotionally 14, it doesn't mean something's wrong. Your system is just auto-correcting. It's saying, right now I need a skill I should have acquired at 14 and didn't.

If you see other people do this, you can help to re-parent this piece of them so that they can get the input they need, and begin to integrate it. It is an instinctive, organic process that happens automatically, but with a little practice you can begin to do it on purpose, to shape it, make it into what you want to get the results you want.

Angel, 2014-11-03

Sadness is the sound of healing

When sadness comes up, most people are unhappy and frustrated and wish it would go away. But sadness is the feeling, the sound of healing. When healing is going on within you, sadness is the sound that it makes.

Some have said that sadness and joy go together, and others like Gibran have said that sadness is the root of joy. But while there is something to be said for both, sadness is what happens when you release the pain you've carried for years or lifetimes. Sadness is what you feel as it goes. And in this, sadness is the sign of the greatest gift you can give yourself, which is the chance to be whole, to be complete. And when you get there, you will find joy. On the way there, I encourage you to seek and practice joy - but when sadness comes, don't fight it - because it means something inside is healing.

Angel, 2015-03-05

Back to top